Monday, March 12, 2012

What do you do when it feels like your whole world is crashing around you?

So, I was diagnosed bipolar type 1 in Summer '05 after a tough year of high school. Got treated in-patient, put on the right medications, and life was gravy from '06-'08. Fast forward to today and things are on very shaky grounds. I've been meeting with a therapist from '08 once a week who is the only person that really understands me. I had a great Federal job for a year (I'm finishing up my last year at college), but I resigned because the work was mind-numbingly dull and I couldn't stand the bureaucrats, plus I wanted to get into an artistic field as opposed to a government position. Now, with the job market the way it is, I probably should have stayed. I've either cut ties with all of my friends or I have enraged them by isolating myself that I am their prime enemy. I had dated girls I met offline and other places but none of those worked out due to what I think are my personality flaws. My whole family is questioning what will happen with my life as they see all I'm concerned with is going to school, making films for class, and sleeping. I'm taking all medications as prescribed, but I'm afraid to change to different pills because I fear my condition may worsen and I'll totally lose control.



I've overheard on a few occasions (not being paranoid) some students in my class dissing me and generally showing disgust towards me when I do my best to show total respect to everyone in class. It seems as much as I want to come across as the 'good guy' and 'the nice guy' all 'happy inside' and hide my inner turmoil, people seem to hate me anyway. I got thrown out of a bar by force because I was misidentified by a bouncer for drinking out of a 'ladies only' cup. I sued the bar and settled for 200 dollars. A girl I slept with who used to date my friend said she would only continue to sleep with me if I paid her or did things for her, which enraged me. My older brother told me not to fix my brakes because they were perfectly fine and I heeded his advice, but got into an accident which ended up heavily damaging my car. Nonetheless, he hates me even more now, everyone is blaming me for everything, and mother thinks I am just jealous of all my brother's accomplishments. Oh, and I met a girl who I took on a date and found more/less "hot," came over to her house on the next day for a party...and got stuck in the snow with my damaged car so i had to walk home 6 miles, only when I got back she sent me 3 text messages listing all the ways in which I angered/disgusted her because I was stupid and could not keep up with her at playing "Cranium, which means you're not on my same level. Sorry. Bye, bye now."



As you can see, staying focused on making films is hard with so much drama in my life right now, but I feel it's the only thing that can save my nervous system from a breakdown. I'm just so troubled why all of a sudden things have gotten bad for me. I'm a really nice guy. I recently (few months ago) became a Christian, I love God, and I have always believed in treating others in the same way that you want them to treat you. I can get angry at times at home, but in public people have said I have a very positive attitude and cheerful personality, never seeming too down. What is it about me that could be causing people to dislike me in such a strong manner? What are these vibes and energies that could cause a friend of 11 years to suddenly proclaim his sheer and utter hate for me? Is it karma? Please, I am begging anyone for help because my whole world: from my mother, father, brother, to my college classmates, all my friends, random people that I'm meeting....people have such strong hate for me that graduating college seems fruitless if my entire life will involve these ups and downs of normalcy and insanity that are all out of my control. I have no money, no friends, no job, just apathy along with apparently no social skills (even though I've had quite a few girlfriends) and also I'm kind of overly talkative. Any feedback would be much appreciated...because when there's nothing worse than being lonely/isolated and sad.What do you do when it feels like your whole world is crashing around you?
Don't be afraid of med changes. The are required frequently for some people. I have been through many, many changes. Eventually you will find the combination that works. Just keep working with your doctor and stay open-minded to med changes. They have a few new meds out now that can really help.
hang in there man, hang in there.

keep trying your best to maintain, its about all you can do now.What do you do when it feels like your whole world is crashing around you?
I like you.



Get used to the fact that we are judged constantly by others and we also judge others. We as humans cannot avoid it as we consult our writing on our walls constantly and if it does not fit to our judgment what the other does we judge. You do it, I do it everyone does it. Get used to it. You are just fine!

You are as insane and as beautiful as me and everybody else.
if people think you have a really good life, they are probably not going to feel too sorry for you. They'll be like "get over yourself..we all have problems!" That's probably why they treat you that way.

But i understand what you mean, i feel like a witch sometimes, like, i go somewhere and i cause total chaos just by being there. Im always "the other one". But maybe its just my own negative thinking that's causing me to feel this way.
I don't think anything is wrong with you. Possibly, after losing your friend of 11 years you got paranoid. You seem like a nice, smart guy, so it doesn't make sense that so many people would treat you that way. Either there's something going on that you don't see, or you're perceiving people and their reactions to you incorrectly. Maybe you feel flawed since you're friend of many years "hates" you, and you assume that everyone else hates you as well. My only advice is to continue to be kind and hard working, and hopefully you'll meet the right people and things will get better for you.
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