Are these good lyrics.be honest?

i've seen lots of things occurring situation ,people stirring **** angers brewing

they say that your careers gonna be a ruin but they talking crap thinking their right telling you, you cant rap.

**** them there like that because ther mother and father never loved them but you'd choose rather not to listen to them .

there wrong lets see them go write a song they can because they cant see throught the window because they on the outside

and its a downside because its sad because your mad you're thinking about what we coulda had

so you turn to drink try to drown your emotions instead of setting your life back in motion



i dont think she knows how much i mean to her i was never mean to her

it obsence to be ive seen it on the tv

im like her knight in shinning armour ill protect her let no one harm her

but love is like karma you try to charm her

but it dosent work in the end she treats you like dirt all you tried to o was flirt

you never tought it would hurt so much you crave for her touch



ths aint about me its about you and what you planning to do

with our relationship if your gonna let it sail or turn round and bail on me

then please leave a trail for me to come back to you so i can follow the track and then we can tie the not

then we can go to the bar and have a drink or maybe just reminissand just think about the good times

but we wont because ah keep losing and you keep winning your on ah streek

im weak im tired and ive lost my job i waas fired but i will keep working on this relationship



i never tought it would end like this i always thought we would last forever

but never ever it wouldnt be clever its not smart

she ah sleep around ah tart well thats what i found we i caught her

i hit em

she ended what coulda been great but i guess thats just fate

at first she gave me strength to walk through the gate the door but now its no more



this is my first rap i have wrote .

please give your honest opinon i will be very grateful .Are these good lyrics.be honest?
I don't really see the point in the first stanza. The rest of song is about a former love, but that part isn't. It doesn't fit well. Other than that, not bad.
Its good I don't like the line "but it dosent work in the end she treats you like dirt all you tried to do was flirt" that line I think is a bit mehhAre these good lyrics.be honest?
its aight.

i mean the flow kinda sounds trashy n such, try saying your lyrics out to yourself, think " well that sounded stupid" etc.

the lyrics could use some more clever metaphors and in general vocabulary.

try step away from the mainstream media ooey gooey ****, rap bout somethin else

try listening to

common - i used to love HER (imo the best rap "love" song)

or

immortal technique - you never know



attack a concept