I’ll start from the beginning. I had just got out of a bad relationship with a brutal ending and I was prepared to be happily single for a long long time. That’s when I met him. Or rather he meet me. At a party of a mutual friend, then he found me on facebook. We talked very little before he invited me to go to the city with him. I got blackout drunk, puked all over his car, and we ending up in bed together. The next day I could barely remember if he was any good. I tried to say good buy but he stuck around. We hung-out for three days straight before he left. I wasn't particularly in love or rather lust with him. But he was interesting. He’s 36 and I’m 24. He’s Arabic, he knows six languages, he has a degree in law, works for non-profits, and he has traveled all over the world. I enjoyed our differences. I wasn’t in love but he and basically bullied me into a relationship. I can’t even explain how it happen. I moved, by chance closer to him, and didn’t have any friends so we started hanging out allot.He decided we were in a relationship and I argued that he had never asked me out. He insisted that in his culture if you are taking a girl out and paying for her your in a relationship together. I felt cornered into it. We have been together for one year now. On the outside we have a wonderful relationship. He is helping me out with allot! The confusing thing is his two face personality. At times he is extremely loving. He hugs a squeezes me to the point of hurting me, smothering me with kisses. The rest of the time he is distant and cold. Anything I say or do is grounds for a fight. I walk on egg shells and pick my worlds carefully. He becomes enraged over the smallest mistakes and picks fights. I try to stay calm because I have problems with confrontation; I get overly emotional, sick to my stomach, and overwhelmed.If I prove a point that should normally end a argument, like showing him how it was a misunderstanding, he will find something new to fight about. I can be crying and he will continue the fight. He always falls back on ‘he doesn't come first in my life.’ All I do is go to school and hangout with him. All of my other friends live in other towns.I am the type of person who has to leave the room when things get heated. He will demand I stay in the room otherwise the relationship is over. If he follows me to my room and keeps fighting to the point where I tell him to leave me alone. He takes this as a huge insult. He says in his culture asking someone to leave it the biggest insult ever.He will curse and flip me off, even break-up with me.A day or several hours later he’ll act as nothing has happen. “Want to come to the bar with me?” When I protest against this he will defend on how he said those things in response to the way I was acting. It’s always my fault! I love him but some times I wonder if it’s just my fear of being alone that makes me stay with him. I find him attractive and he can open my world to so many things and we could have a extraordinary life together. One more problem: I’m amazed at how a 36yrold can be such a bad kisser.when I bring it up to him or ask him to kiss me in a certain way he insists that the internet and the other girls he has been with like the way he kisses. I know I’m a good kisser.He is not willing to learn. He gets mad about us not having enough sex but in one year he hasn't learned how to touch me or kiss me to get me horny. Several times is have decided to break up with him and then when it came down to actually doing it I wasn't able to. However, in high school I had to break up with a guy I dated two weeks and didn’t really like but I still cried my eyes out. So maybe I’m just a wimp.To make matters worst I sub-leas a house and he has been loving in the bedroom across the hall from mine for the last 10 months.
I could really use some outside advice! Please help!I know this is long relationship question but I need some outside advice and you get major karma for answering?
First things first, you need to help him realize that the "my culture this, my culture that" excuse isn't going to cut it anymore. He is only using it to corner you into helping him get his way. Tell him that in YOUR culture, it's even ruder to curse people, flip them off, and break up with them. This is starting to look like an abusive relationship and I don't want you trapped in it any longer.
One of you needs to fix this. If it's him who is going to fix it, he needs to stop playing games with you and learn to communicate better. It seems like the way you handle pressure is to leave so you can calm down without being provoked further. However, he feels the need to further unleash his feelings upon you and provoke you some more, which is an unstable balance. Give him the following ground rules:
1. Stop using his culture as a way to bully you and get his way. He is being hypocritical. Verbal abuse is not a cultural issue; it is a relationship issue that needs to be mutually resolved. Flipping people off and cussing them out is childish and hurtful; it has nothing to do with culture at all.
2. If you need to leave the room to cool down, you should be able to do so without any further arguing. You will both feel better if at least one of you has calmed down. Once again, culture has NOTHING to do with it!
3. He needs to be checked by a psychiatrist for bi-polar disorder or a related mental illness. His two faced personality seems to be at the point of mania, which is not normal. Coming from somebody who suffers from depression, I recognize this behavior all too well.
4. He says that "the internet" and "other girls" like his kisses...and WHO is the one that is receiving those kisses? Not the internet, not other girls, YOU! So he should kiss you the way that YOU like it, not how other girls like it. If he was with another girl he could kiss her the way she likes it, but he's not with another girl. He's with you!
Coming from experience, if he can't touch you in a way that makes you want to have sex, it could be that you're just not attracted to him in that way. Just think about the relationship you're in...it could be so much better. I know that breaking up is tough and that you think that this guy has helped you a lot...well guess what? The only person who can help you is yourself, and by walking away from him, you will just end up a stronger person. And any guy who truly loves you can help you even better than he can.
I was in a relationship like this and I felt stuck because I couldn't walk away. And then I met a new man who helped me walk away, and OH MY GOODNESS I could not be happier that I escaped that guy!!! This new man and I have been together happily for six months and we still have all the passion we had at the very beginning of the relationship. Chivalry is not dead. :)
If you like my advice, can you offer some input on mine? You don't have to write too much. I just feel better knowing somebody is listening to me.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
You can do a few things. One, you can sit down and talk to him. Tell him that you are not happy in the relationship and that you want to break up. This is the right way to approach the situation.
The second thing you can do, is the next time you get into a blowout fight and he breaks up with you, believe him. Let it be the end. Say, "okay, we're broken up." Pack a bag with some things in it and go stay with a friend for a while. Then, find a new place to live, and take a friend with you when you move your things out.
This is not love. It's abuse.I know this is long relationship question but I need some outside advice and you get major karma for answering?
It sounds easier said than done but you really need to leave him or at least go on a break so he appreciates you. Maybe see a counsellor and rebuild your confidence so you can believe that you deserve better and you won't be alone forever if you dump him. You're only 24, you can find love at any age and you are still so young. This man has issues and you deserve better.
1.) I don't need karma from advising you, I enjoy the karma I make for myself on a daily basis.
2.) You got drunk and screwed this guy and don't even remember...now YOU are reaping YOUR karma.
3.) This guy is Arab. Arab men DO NOT respect women. The reason he makes love to you so clumsily is because he doesn't care what you get out of intercourse. He only cares about what HE gets out of it.
4.) He offers you nothing but abuse and heartache and might I add, if you were in his country of origin, he could kill you if he felt like it and get away with it. Because a woman is on equal footing with a dog.
5.) If you continue with him, since he only considers HIS culture to be the legitimate one, you will find he gets more and more violent and abusive.
6.) you are going to have a very, very, very hard time getting rid of this dangerous man. He may decide that even though he is in a country where women have rights, he is going to kill you anyway if you try to leave. You need help and more help than you can find on Yahoo! Answers.
7.) As stupid as you have been and continue to be, I truly feel afraid for you. The way you conduct your life is frightening and abysmal. You need to disappear and not be found by this man. I hope he doesn't know where your parents or loved ones or friends live because he will take his rage out on them if they refuse to tell him where you are.
8.) You have majorly ****** up your life at the age of 24...I sincerely hope you can get away from this maniac and live a good life down the road.
9.) He is Arab, think about it. He can never marry you according to Sharia Law and can kill you if he feels you have disgraced him. To him, you are a toy, he doesn't take you seriously.
10.) Again, get away from him!
No comments:
Post a Comment