18 years ago I left a man (B) that I had been living with to be with another man (M) that I married. I thought B had been cheating..in fact people I worked with told me they often saw him speaking with other women--at the college bar we always frequented. I know now this doesn't mean anything..but I was very young then and just believed.
M and I are now almost divorced...he never got me, he is a sh*t in so many ways that my lack of judgment astounds me, the most amazing part being that I stayed with him for 18 years.
Apparently B and M saw each other out and spoke of the impending divorce. B contacts my Dad and then contacts me. He came over last night. We didn't have sex, we talked for hours--without any gruesome awkwardness, completely comfortable with each other--mixed with a little excitment...he is basically a stranger again..it's been so many years. During the course of the conversation, I mentioned how he broke my heart and elaborated on why. He was flabbergasted, expressed shock, and told me..."it's been 20 years, I would tell you NOW if I had cheated...and I never did..you just left...YOU broke my heart...I have celebrated your birthday every year" and I noticed a very prominent tatoo that he did himself (he is an artist--oils, murals for the local hot spots/educational areas--sculpter--quite brilliant) on his upper chest that looks like me...he says "that's my gypsy woman" which is what he used to call me...I feigned ignorance. I also have unconsciously been thinking of him I think due to the fact that I kept his paintings prominently displayed where ever I have lived and, in fact, are at this moment on my walls..before I even knew he would be back into my life.
Anyway, my question is...is this a strange/meant-to-be/full circle/karma/soul connection thing? To have B in my life again after so many years, at the end of the relationship I left him for? I'm not jumping into anything...we are going on a "date" Thursday night and for now I am happy to have him as a friend...I know that I am flaky and want to read more into situations..so, catching myself, I am going into this with my head, not my heart. Or do you think (I know you don't know me--just give me what you feel from the information you have) I feel so good about this because he has apparently been thinking of me over the years and I have just recently been **** on by my supposed life partner, so maybe he is my ego boost?Weird full-circle thing?
Do things happen for a reason?
If you believe in Karma ( and really, who doesn't) the answer would be yes.
It seems that there is a guy out there who is available now that you are.
I would be buoyed by the fact that he took it upon himself to look you up after so many years.
Go slow, reacquaint yourself and enjoy the company and situation.
Do things happen for a reason? probably. Much of it becomes timing.
The timing of this will no doubt make the short term decision making so much easier.
You have a couple of things going on here. First and most importantly, you're in a "rebound" situation. You have to consider old flame to be more of a new guy, and take it like that. Because you are in a rebound situation, your old flame may seem like a ray of hope, as well as a glimpse into better times, and also the possibility of correcting a past mistake. You have a lot on your plate right now. Just be sure to keep clarity of mind, and look out for red flags with the old flame. He may be the one, and you may have your happy ending, but you should take it very slowly with him. You both have 18 years of additional baggage in your lives and many things can happen during that time. You will have to adjust to more mature and grown up versions of each other, which may be better, and may be worse. If you think of this as embarking on a new relationship, instead of rekindling an old flame, you may have more success.
Weird full-circle thing?
First of all, you should not be dating anyone until your divorce is final. This may be a rebound situation, but maybe not. The only way to find out for sure, is to take things slowly once your divorce is final. I also caught up with my past boyfriend after 18 years of marriage. It was so nice to be getting the attention of a man after the mess that I had gone through with the ex-husband. After a few weeks, though, I discovered that the old flame just had the idea that I would be "easy" since I was a divorcee.
I just got re-married about 2 weeks ago to a man that I went to high school with (way back when) but we didn't ever date back then. We were able to attend our 25th High School Reunion together. (What fun!)
My advice is to take your time with the old boyfriend. If it is meant to be, your relationship will last more than just a few months. My current husband and I dated 5 years before he proposed.
How do you know you can fly if you don't take the run and jump?
Yes you both have changed and grown over the years. Yes he sounds like he has and still is in love with you. Yes you sound like you are in love with him. Yes we regret the mistakes we made in the past. Yes we wonder what life would be like if we did this way or that.
Enjoy your date and see where it leads to. You have 20 some years to catch up on. I think the question you have to ask yourself are these-
Am I myself around him? Does he make me comfortable? Do I enjoy his company? Does he enjoy being around me?
See where this leads to. You never know if you sit in your room looking at a painting on the wall.
I say go for it chicky. As for having your heart follow your head into this relationship I think its too late...you have always loved B and so your heart has always been in the right place,, not your head. So follow your heart and do what you want that makes you happy...life is too short to be so cautious.
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