Recently, I've been feeling like I'm studying too hard and not enjoying life. I want to volunteer in university school activites and haven't been as involved as much as I've wanted. I have volunteered in club this semester thus far and have introduced myself to other clubs but I don't just want to volunteer in clubs but also be able to make a bit of an impact in society. A major reason I haven't been able to join more clubs is my schoolwork.
I also am disappointed because I haven't been able to go out to bars/clubs as my close friends are more of introverts and they prefer staying indoors and playing poker, video games, etc. I don't mind that either but I just wish I could start going out. I thought that by volunteering at university clubs, this would happen but I haven't even had that chance.
I'm feeling maybe its karma getting me back for crimes although I don't think I've done anything really bad. The worst thing about me is maybe my lust for girls but I get along great with girls(no close girl friends though). I've asked questions about this on yahoo before and just keep getting answers that there's nothing wrong with me, its just me acting my age.
I creep the profiles of girls I find attractive but this is no different than other guys who do the same. Maybe I overdo it as I have deactivated facebook to focus on school but I still google search girls to look at their profile pic to see if they're hot. Sometimes if I don't have a girl as a friend on facebook but think she's hot, I'll check her profile out. For example, I saw a girl at the gym and I thought she was the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life. I was posting on a friends wall and by coincidence, saw he had her as a friend so I've creeped her profile(never told anyone because I feel its creepy). However, I have an idea of when she goes to the gym as I've seen her at those times and I've never gone their just to see her, rarely go at those times, I only go if I've got work done and my body feels fit but I usually go much eariler so I never see/creep her.
If I see a girl I find attractive, I might start to try and start a convo if we are alone somewhere and if their nice, I keep talking but I've never asked a girl out. If a hot girl shows me some sort of skin, I find it hot. (Sorry if I sound sleazy). For example, one girl in a lecture dropped a book at the end of class and bent down to pick it up. Her pants started coming down and her thong was showing, she was also really nice so it was easy to talk to her. The only reason I hadn't talked to her more was her friend was with her but otherwise, I would've sat close to her more often. Also I went home for break last week and used the gym in my apartment. I saw many attractive girls there and especially one that had high cut shirt so her belly was showing (with her belly ring). I found her attractive, I don't think she realised I was checking her out. I kind of wish we could have started a converstation(easier to do than school gym since its small, just bedroom size) but she was with her friends.
Maybe the worst thing is sometimes I find my cousins attractive. I haven't had a close relationship with them as they're in their 10-15yrs older, I'm in my late teens and my generation is still seen as kids. It has cooled down a lot as I've gotten older and most of them are married so I don't fantasize about doing with them but I do with one of them who isn't married. She lives in the states so I don't see her often but we really hit it off last time I saw her. She used to model on magazine cover and once I saw a picture of her in a bikini on her computer screensaver slideshow. It was the most I opened up to any cousin and everytime we were interrupted talking (I wanted to keep our talks private) and we had to head to sleep, I showed her I really wanted to talk so she'd give me a big hug. Also, she was wearing jogging pants and sometimes I could her thong and belly ring which turned me on. My fantasy is getting in her swimming pool with her (in a nice bikini) and having a good convo (just two of us). After that, thanking her and getting a big hug so we can feel up each other's skin. I also m*st*b*t* alot(at least twice/day) but don't watch p*rn.
I would never hurt a girl if I had a girlfriend and think I'd stay faithful to her. I do support gender equality as well. I just am really attracted to girls and maybe karma is getting mHas karma been hitting me back? If too long, just skip first 3 paragraphs?
So.. idk what this has to do with karma? But you sound really creepy. Get a life :P
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