Constructive criticism for a 14-year old, please?

It was a Friday morning. I woke up with heavy depression on my soul. Great, I thought, another weekend for me to be alone and bored. No one would invite me to a party, or even invite me to simply hang out. I didn’t mind this, though. I’d realized I wasn’t a very interesting person to others, but was I really this bad? Did I truly make everyone think I was okay with sitting at home, watching movies on the old VCR in my families basement? Maybe it was my fault. I mean there was a point when I did go out and engage in activities with my peers, but I had driven them into thinking I was over that stuff with my emotions.



The distancing was partly my fault after my mother got lung cancer a year and a half before. People got tired of me not wanting to do anything, and I didn’t put any energy into doing anything. My friends got tired of me and became annoyed; talking about me behind my back and excluding me from any plans. The only person I could actually talk to about my mom was my dad and neighbor Lee. I tried not to bother Lee too much and dad was never in the mood to sit down and talk.



Everyone ran away when I needed them.



I forced myself to get up, ignoring the thoughts of staying home as I prepared myself for school. My attire consisted of a purple top, jean shorts and very plain vans. I grabbed my messenger bag and shut off my bedroom light switch as I walked out of the room. Once I was downstairs I took a granola bar and opened the refrigerator, retrieving an apple juice I would mostly likely not drink. I took small bites of the bar and checked the time on my cell phone. It was already time to leave for school. Quickly, I stuffed the rest of the granola bar and wiped the crumbs off of my t-shirt.



“I’m leaving now. Bye mom!” I said it loud enough for her to hear from her bedroom, but I got no reply.



My dad was already at work. He left early in the morning and got back late at night. He would say ‘The medical bills aren’t going to pay themselves’ when I asked him if we could go out as a family. Mom was getting worse each day. Some days coughing up blood and throwing up every single thing she ate, and others she just didn’t want company. If I was lucky dad would be watching TV in the living room on some nights, but on most he’d be working overtime.



“Good morning Dakota,” said a familiar voice.



I knew exactly who it was, the only person who would be waiting outside for me at 8:30AM in the morning. He had been giving me a ride to school for a couple of months now. Mrs. Malia had been close to my mom since they moved in next door four years before, Lee and I didn’t become friends until his mom invited my family to a Christmas party. There was no Mr. Malia.



“Hello Lee,” I smiled, walking toward his yard. The closer I got, the more I noticed his red eyes. “What happened to you?” I raised a brow, tilting my head slightly as I scrutinized his face. He looked very tired, bags under his eyes and chapped lips.



“I had a rough night.” And I didn’t push it.



Lee and I didn’t talk much at school. He went with his friends, and I went with my “friends”. The whole time I was sitting with my friends in class, I glanced over at Lee and his friends, wishing he would invite me to sit with him. They were always laughing and having fun, I admired them for that. At the same time, I knew it was impossible to become friends with them. They all seemed so sure of themselves and careless. The only thing that made me fine with sitting here was Lee’s friend, Karma Panic.



I had nothing against the girl. She was pretty, in a goth-ish way. Long black hair, dark green eyes, and pale skin. She always wore dark clothing. Something about her annoyed me, maybe that fact that she had copied my shoes in the fourth grade, but I wasn’t one to hold a grudge for that many years.



As if she knew I was looking at her, she turned my way and glared. I did the same thing before looking down at my notebook and continuing a sketch I had started the day before. I had no idea what it was. I just kept drawing and avoided talking to any of my friends unless they directly asked me a question.



“What are you drawing?” Samantha asked me, trying to look at my note book. Quickly, I covered it and felt myself blush. It was one of the worst things I could do, considering I was already on thin ice. Being secretive wasn’t helping my problems.



“Nothing, just doodling.”



“Okay then,” she had an odd look on her face as she turned back to Kaitlin and whispered something to her. They both looked to look at me, and then went back to talking. I let out a sigh and placed my head on the desk, wanting the day to be over, but at the same time I didn’t want to go home.



Samantha and Kaitlin were once my best friends. They-along with everyone else-got bored of me, but I still sat with them at lunch and in classes.



“You look miserable.”



“I am miserable,” I shrugged, looking up at Craig.



“Wanna come sit with the guys?” he asked, smConstructive criticism for a 14-year old, please?
instead of saying "The only thing that made me fine with sitting here was Lee’s friend, Karma Panic. " reword it to say "The reason i didn't sit with Lee was because of one of his friends, Karma Panic"



also, who is Craig? please explain that. Lee's friend? her "friend"? who??

your character is pretty real but maybe adding some more spunk to her would make it more interesting. readers love characters they admire. i honestly dont admire her yet. maybe you should have her tell the reader that she is ready to change and get some new friends.



the chapter is NOT boring i really like it! i want Lee and Dakota to get together either as friends at least or a couple.



i would add something about why Kaitlin and Samantha still put up with Dakota. i mean,. if i had a friend who hid doodles and sat quietly and was that isolated i would stop hanging out with her. maybe you could say "the only reason they hang out with me is because they know im cool with Lee." like, make Lee popular, so that way Dakota's "friends" dont dump her all together since they know shes friends with a popular guy.



good luck! hope this helps!
i like itConstructive criticism for a 14-year old, please?
omg it would be like awsome it seems so real! I really like the character. Allthough I feel bad for the girl.
You sound a bit worried so calm down. The only thing I found 'in need of correcting' was just a bit more detailing, as in advanced vocabulary. It is amazing what stronger adjectives can do to a story.



Don't give up and make corrections as you go.

=)

good luck.